okay this is a life update, the recent one. there are lotta stuff going on in my life and i always feel the danger that i am in, i dunt really say if it is the anxiety and that's why or the things i've been doing, the things do not let me feel safe and keep doing my shit. i just need a bunch of "one minute"s to figure it out what is really happening. i do not feel welcome in any place inside of my head and cannot concentrate on different areas i'm working on.
let's say yeah, just make small talk with me. may god know what to do with me, once or twice, i told the boys im interested in (i don't even know why i'm interested in boys, i just wanna be interested in frogs and snails tbh) "please dont make small talk with me, i wanna hear more about you and your perspective in such contexts" and i did really mean it. but rn, dude, you are trash, like literal garbage that smells like rotten eggs. your thoughts and sayings DOESnT matter, you are a waste of skin. just please, please, make small talk with me. or not even talk to me. please <3 and give up. give up please. give up on me. as the opposite of what you said before, i am not your golden mine, you can't dig into me to get what you want. i dont want you, do not tryna manipulate me you piece of shirt, no is a no. just leave it.
fuck you. im serious. dead serious.
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i always give myself speeches when im in bathroom doing whatever, but mostly when im sitting down on the toilet tryna poop. i always talk like im giving a TEDx talk. you get the vibe right? i always explain myself to my ghost audience. i just want them to validate me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:::::::::::::::::::
but actually the audience is me. different forms of me. first day of school hedo, romantic lover hedo, im too late for my date hedo, i need to sleep for 16 hrs hedo, it is such a productive day hedo, dude hedo, bestie hedo, evil hedo, bully hedo, trust no bitches hedo, i love hello kitty hedo, halay punk hedo, furry tail hedo, lingerie qween hedo, i need love and patience hedo, solid hedo, liquid hedo.................
it is funny but ALL of them are, actually, hedo.
maybe just hedo.
im not sorry for the person i am, in fact i loooooove Hedo. hedo is my g. all time favorite character in the history of earth. hedo needs love and hedo needs hedo to love her. oh my god dude, we are such a good couple.
kk. i already feel better after i wrote down all these. hey hedo and co-writer and maybe the three other ppl who reads this blog, little reminder: i dont write for you, this is so much easier to write diary, i hate hand writing lmao. love you tho. keep rocking. bye
